Author: Lauren Stephenson

Caring for a loved one after an illness or injury is challenging under any circumstances. For Peter Kou, caring for his beloved wife Maybelle after she had a stroke and developed dementia—all while navigating the pandemic and living on a fixed income—led to his breaking point. Thankfully, Iona has eased the couple’s burdens in multiple ways.

Natives of Hong Kong, the Kous, both 80, had impressive careers in architecture and clinical research that took them to Great Britain and the U.S. But life changed for both of them when Maybelle suffered a stroke.

Up to that point, “we were completely independent,” Peter says. As his wife’s physical and cognitive challenges worsened, caregiving became increasingly difficult.

Peter had a home health aide and physical therapist to help take care of Maybelle, but at the height of the pandemic, he let them go out of precaution, taking on all caregiving duties himself.

Reflecting on that time, he remembers, “I don’t know how I managed.”

At his lowest point, exhausted and dehydrated, Peter ended up in the emergency room.

Like many caregivers, Peter wasn’t used to asking for help and was unfamiliar with what supports were available to the couple. When Maybelle was discharged from the hospital, someone handed Peter a list of telephone numbers, but “they didn’t tell me what to ask or what services were available,” he says.

Referrals from a friend and another social service organization led him to Iona—and much-needed support.

“Peter was valiantly providing all of Maybelle’s care,” says Senior Nutrition Program Manager Rose Clifford. “He is so devoted to her, and, as a result, was not caring for himself.”

First, Iona arranged for home-delivered meals for the couple so Peter didn’t have to do all the cooking. Rose also provided nutritional counseling and supplements for Maybelle, who, like many people with dementia, has trouble swallowing. Since then, Maybelle has gained weight and her appetite has improved.

Rose calls regularly to check on the Kous. Peter tells her about Maybelle’s health and confides in her about how he is feeling —“both the ups and the downs.” Peter says it gives him a great sense of comfort knowing he has someone to talk to.

“Iona is helping to ensure Maybelle is comfortable and has her dignity as I say my long goodbye,” says Peter, who hopes in the future to be able to give back to the organization. “I’d like to show my appreciation to the compassionate staff and friendly volunteers by someday volunteering to help another family in their moment of need.”

Murray Howder has lived in his two-story, prairie-style house off Connecticut Avenue since 1966. Now 89 and living with Parkinson’s disease, mild dementia, and a heart condition, he has one remaining wish: to die in his beloved home. Iona Care Manager Randy Smith and Murray’s niece, Noreen Holcomb, have partnered over the last three years to make sure that his wish comes true.

Noreen, 59, hasn’t had an easy time as a caregiver. Not only is she the primary caregiver for Murray —whom she calls “Uncle Moo”— she also takes care of her 86-year-old mother, who has had five strokes, and her 36-year-old daughter, who is blind and has a neuromuscular disease.

Through all this, Randy Smith has stood by Noreen’s side every step of the way, providing guidance, information, and support as she cares for her uncle. He describes Murray’s situation as one of the toughest he has seen in more than a decade at Iona. “Murray did everything right during his life,” Randy says. But as Murray got older, his health failed, his expenses went up, and he watched his bank account dwindle. Living out his remaining days in his home seemed like less and less of a possibility.

At the same time, Noreen often found her caregiving responsibilities draining and exhausting.

“Sometimes I don’t know how I do it,” said Noreen. “God has given me a generous and supportive husband. I have fantastic friends. And I have Randy — who does things I couldn’t possibly do.”

Randy helped Murray access Senior MedEXpress, which provides free taxi rides to medical appointments. He arranged for home-delivered meals, shopped for essentials such as toiletries and food, and coordinated visitor parking passes for Murray’s round-the-clock nurses and home health aides. He also visited Murray during times when it was hard for Noreen to leave her other family members.

About a year ago, Randy addressed Murray’s financial challenges and desire to age in his home by suggesting Noreen obtain a reverse mortgage to help finance her uncle’s 24-hour home care, which costs about $100,000 a year. Since then, the solution has allowed Murray to continue receiving the care he needs at home.

Meanwhile, Noreen has peace of mind knowing that she always has someone to lean on. “It would be difficult — perhaps impossible — for me to take care of Uncle Moo without the help of Iona,” she says. “Iona has given me an incredible gift by supporting my uncle’s desire to live, and die, at home.”

When Deborah Dougherty and Quentin Looney retired, they saw it as a chance to pursue their passions. For Quentin, that meant teaching cooking classes, while Deborah led weekly fitness classes illustrating the relationship between exercise and bone health.

“About 10 years ago, I taught a workshop at Iona,” Deborah, 77, remembers. “Our Cleveland Park friends talked very highly about Iona.”

It was around that same time that Quentin, 81,  began  exhibiting signs of dementia. “There was loss of executive functioning,” Deborah says. Ultimately, Quentin was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, which affects his balance, sensory perception, and memory. A year ago, Deborah began looking for an adult day health program for Quentin and landed at Iona’s Wellness & Arts Center. “Quentin loves being around people,” Deborah says. “He enjoys the exercise and dancing, anything that gets him moving.”

Today, Quentin attends the center three days a week, giving Deborah much-needed time for herself. “It gives me a break to maintain our home and spend time with friends,” she says. She’s also active in Iona’s Around Town DC classes, including improv and Monday night movies.

“Iona’s staff are amazing,” Deborah says. “I appreciate the way they support each other and my husband.”

“Care groups are absolutely critical,” she says. “You have to have somebody who understands what you’re going through.”

When she first began her caregiver journey, Deborah was surprised at the lack of resources and information available about dementia. “It’s random if you  hit a doctor who understands,” she observes. “There are not enough resources or support for managing the rest of your life with somebody who has dementia or memory loss.”

“Caregiving is about the toughest job I’ve ever had,” Deborah adds. “I think Iona is uniquely placed to develop more comprehensive supports for caregivers at the local and national level.”

Back in 1976, when William Reid and his mother bought a three-bedroom house in the District’s leafy Chevy Chase neighborhood, he imagined living there with his future wife and children— maybe even a son who would carry on the family name. But that was not to be.

Instead, 41 years later, William lives alone. After a long career as a regional economist at the U.S. Department of Commerce, he took early retirement because of health challenges. His mom, who for many years cooked his favorite dishes—like pork and beans, sautéed liver, and homemade cakes and pies—passed away 20 years ago.

His debilitating psoriatic arthritis (the same thing professional golfer Phil Mickelson has) makes shopping and cooking difficult, if not impossible. He’s had both knees and both hips replaced and lived with club feet since birth.

Having given up driving a year ago, William’s world is shrinking. On a good day, the 74-year-old moves from his living room to the adjacent porch to use his computer, which serves as a lifeline to the outside world. He rarely leaves the house.

“I should have learned to cook,” he admits. “But I was an only child and my mother spoiled me.” Immediately after her death, William resorted to eating breakfast at McDonalds, going to the local food court, and ordering take-out Chinese food or pizza. He taught himself to use the microwave to heat up frozen meals. As a result, he gained weight, developed diabetes, and blood clots. That was a low point.

The high point was learning he was eligible to receive home-delivered meals through Iona. In partnership with the DC Office on Aging, Iona arranges for the delivery of 10 nutritious meals to his door every other Friday. (William supplements that with food delivered by a local grocery store.)

Older adults are particularly vulnerable to the effects of poor nutrition, hunger, and food insecurity. Last year, 220 older adults received 47,292 meals through Iona. Like William, many of the recipients live alone.

“The meals are healthy, there’s good variety and, most importantly, they taste good,” William says. His favorites include the apple-walnut oatmeal

breakfast and the home-style meatloaf dinner. In addition, every Saturday an Iona volunteer delivers a hot meal ready to eat and a cold meal for later in the weekend. “Sometimes parents bring their children to the door: he says. “It’s wonderful to see a cheerful face on a Saturday morning! I don’t think they have ever missed a Saturday.”

Zelda Kapner, 85, never found her soul mate, but she did find Iona. As a regular participant in Iona’s Active Wellness Program at St. Alban’s, she has made friends; gets a daily dose of exercise, current events or culture; and enjoys a midday meal.

She’s not alone. Each weekday, 35 or more men and women gather for conversation, an activity, and a meal. Her lunch table is a mix of new and returning participants. There’s Sarah, who’s been coming for five months. Recently “retired,” she works two days a week for a former ambassador. Alec is a retired psychotherapist. And Sherry, who has been coming for nine years, is an artist. “I belong to a gym,” she says, “but—in contrast to Iona’s program—I find it lonely going there because I don’t know anyone. Iona is an entirely different experience.”

Zelda agrees. A native of New York, she came to the District in 1973 to work at a national women’s organization. She found a rent- controlled apartment in Foggy Bottom, where she’s been ever since. “I know a good thing when I see it,” Zelda says.

She could just as easily be referring to Iona.

When Zelda retired at age 67, she recalls the words of a dear friend: “Make sure you have something to do every day.”

At Iona’s Active Wellness Program, “you meet the most interesting people who have the most interesting lives,” says Zelda. “Iona broadens your universe.” Beyond the participants are the many high school students who volunteer their time, young people who “give you faith in the future,” says Zelda.

While Iona enlivens Zelda’s social life, “it also has my back,” she says. Zelda has instructed her niece—who is executor of her will—that the first call she should make in the event of a crisis is to Iona.

“I had a friend living in a group house where the landlady was taking advantage of her,” recalls Zelda. “I referred her to an Iona social worker who helped her find new housing. Iona saved her life.”

Of her own experience, Zelda says: “If I wake up and think, ‘another boring breakfast,’ all I have to do is head to Iona, which makes me smile.” Zelda and other participants credit program manager Courtney Tolbert, who, in Zelda’s words, is not only a creative and effective leader “but has a big heart.”

Fran Pflieger was feeling lost. A recent retiree, she had thought that her retirement would be a welcome new phase of life. Instead, “I had this feeling of free falling,” she says.

Luckily, today Fran knows she has a net.

A self-proclaimed planner by nature, Fran thought she had checked all of the boxes before her retirement. But after only a few months, she started feeling anxious and low. “I had this creeping sense that I didn’t belong,” she says.

The feeling stemmed from Fran’s loss of connection after leaving the workforce. Additionally, divorced from her wife, with no children, and no family nearby, Fran felt alone in the world.

So she turned to Iona.

As chance would have it, at a real moment of lowness, Fran learned about a new Iona workshop for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) older adults, which your donations and a grant from the DC Office on Aging helped fund. It was exactly what Fran needed.

The class provided Fran with information on aging- related resources in DC, guidance on planning ahead, and—best yet—a chance to meet other LGBTQ older adults. “I’m an introvert, so those connections are harder for me to make,” she says. “The workshop made it really easy.”

Furthermore, offering the class specifically for LGBTQ older adults gave Fran a safe space to speak candidly. That outreach meant a lot to Fran, especially because she’s experienced discrimination before.

“I didn’t come out until I was 40,” she says. “So, I can’t tell you how powerful it was to be there with so many people, all of us there for the same reason, and many of us having the same fears that I had.”

Today, Fran feels less alone.

“I’m more confident. I’ve noticed that just since the workshop, I’ve gotten louder. I feel much more safe saying that I’m a lesbian in mixed company.”

Fran’s feelings of free falling are gone too. “Iona helped me feel like I’m not alone. I have something to catch me. It feels really, really good!”

If you’re ever visiting Iona’s Wellness & Arts Center, you might just bump into John Diggs, 75. He’ll be the man with a big smile on his face welcoming visitors and telling everyone he meets, “I love Iona!”

Give John a moment, and you’ll hear just why he’s become one of our most vocal supporters. “Iona really makes you feel good,” he says. “I’ve been telling people on the street about it!”

A longtime Washingtonian, John devoted his life to working hard and supporting his family. Over the years, he shined shoes, trained and worked as a cook, worked as a security guard for DC government, served in Vietnam, and eventually even became a secret service agent for President George H. W. Bush (among a number of other eclectic jobs).

At Iona, he’s known for his positive and optimistic presence. But, that wasn’t always the case for John, who has dementia. Before he started attending the

Wellness & Arts Center—which your donations help to sustain—John spent most of his days alone in his apartment. He’d call his niece, Debra Plummer, and son, Reggie, daily. “He was isolated, and would spend so much time thinking about his illness and what’s wrong in his life,” Debra says.

After a conversation with his doctor, John and his family agreed something needed to change. With his two sons— Reggie and Martin—and Debra, they visited several senior wellness centers in the area to find the best fit for John. He enrolled in Iona’s program in August 2018.

Today, John spends his Tuesdays and Wednesdays at Iona—exercising, making art, enjoying lively discussions, and more. Your contributions have made this program available to John, where he’s been able to make friends and learn new things—and remain independent at home.

Most noteworthy, you’ve transformed his outlook on life. “His mood is so much better,” says Debra. “Iona exposes him to exercise, drawing, and socializing. He sees more positivity in his life.”

John agrees, adding that he now has something to look forward to. “Coming here is motivating and uplifting,” he says. “If I didn’t go to church, I wish it was so I could come here on Sundays!”

When Iona social worker Liza Chapkosvky first met Parivash “Pari” Amirshahi, Pari was isolated in her apartment, surviving on little food and company. She had no bed, and she was sleeping on her small couch. “I could never straighten my legs,” says Pari, 79. Two years later, her life looks completely different, thanks to Iona.

Pari was first connected to Iona in October 2014, after her building manager — concerned about Pari’s living environment — made a call to our Information & Referral Helpline. “Her building manager had been helping out for a while — things like driving Pari to appointments, or helping to pay bills,” says Liza. “But, it was clear the manager had reached a point where she was in over her head and needed support.” Liza set up a home visit, which revealed Pari had almost no food.

Iona’s response was immediate. First, Liza worked with our Home Delivered Meals Coordinator Jakia Muhammad so that Pari would regularly receive meals at her home. She also secured a microwave and hot plate for Pari to be able to reheat meals.

Then, she introduced Pari to Iona’s Active Wellness Program at St. Alban’s, which provides a delicious free lunch and fun conversation in the company of friends every weekday. Since then, Pari has been participating nearly every day. “I had no idea St. Alban’s existed or that you could get free food,” says Pari. “I was hungry all the time. And then Liza brought me here. Now I have hot food and coffee and tea.”

In addition to a nutritious hot lunch every weekday, Iona’s Active Wellness Program has also broadened Pari’s once-shrinking community. “At St. Alban’s I have met many nice people,” says Pari. “I found out that there are many elderly people besides me in this world.”

Pari could not have imagined anyone providing the support she has received from Iona. Now, she feels differently. “Iona is the best place for elderly people because we know we have a home here, and that somebody is taking care of us. I am glad that I could find Iona and that you wanted to help.”

Today, Pari is safe, well-fed, and content with the many new friendships in her life. She’s received cataract surgery and visited a specialist to help with her breathing. She enrolled in MetroAccess, and soon will have a home health aide to help with errands around her home, food preparation, and transportation to medical appointments.

To Pari, her connection with Liza, and Iona’s larger community, has been a true gift — and one, in her eyes, that was destined to be. “Liza is from Russia, and I am from Iran. All this time, only the Caspian Sea was between us,” she jokes. And as for her couch? A few months ago, Liza was able to provide a donated queen-sized mattress. “It’s a good mattress,” Pari says, grinning. “I can stretch my legs and I’m sleeping better. I really enjoy it.”

Two years ago, Parivash “Pari” Amirshahi could not have imagined how much better her life could be. But thanks to your generosity, Iona opened her eyes —literally.

When Iona social worker Liza Chapkosvky first met Ms. Pari Amirshahi, she was isolated in her apartment, surviving on little food and company. She had no bed, no way to prepare food, and poor eyesight that made daily operations challenging.

Thankfully, because of our supporters, Iona was able to be her safety net. Pari now receives nutritious meal deliveries and other public benefits.

She has attended Iona’s Active Wellness Program at St. Alban’s, where she is able to enjoy a free, hot lunch and fun conversation among friends and neighbors. There’s now a microwave and hot plate in her apartment to prepare meals. And she even has a new bedframe and mattress, which generous donations helped to secure.

Because of the Iona community, Pari has rediscovered an old pastime—painting.

In her own words, Pari has been painting since she was “really, very young.” All that changed, however, when her poor eyesight made keeping up with her passion difficult. With Iona’s help, however, Pari received cataract surgery to improve her eyesight.

Within weeks, she was holding a paintbrush in her hand.

“I never thought I would paint again,” says Pari, with a smile. “Now, I feel so good! It is possible.” Since her surgery, Pari has been hard at work, joyously creating portraits, still lives, and more. Just recently, a neighbor even asked if she could paint something for her apartment! “It made me feel so good that somebody wanted to decorate with my painting,” says Pari.

It’s hard enough taking care of one parent with a serious illness. Imagine taking care of two — while living in a different city.

Caroline Scully was living in Massachusetts. Her parents were living in the District’s Glover Park neighborhood, next door to her brother. Then things began to unravel.

Her mom, Bernice, was diagnosed with a rare neurological condition. At the same time, her dad, Richard, was developing memory problems.

Still in Massachusetts, Caroline began managing their medical care and overseeing their finances, along with her brother. “It became so stressful going back and forth, I decided it was better to be with them,” she said.

She left her home and partner in New England to move in with her parents. “My brother and I were focused on making sure our mother was comfortable and getting the best possible care and that our father was taking his medications and getting out.”

Looking back, Caroline realizes she didn’t understand the health care system. “It’s not set up for people to understand,” she says. “I thought my parents needed to move into assisted living. Iona’s staff convinced me they could get good care at home.”

Caroline hired Iona’s care managers to conduct a comprehensive in-home assessment and tailor solutions specific to her parents’ strengths and preferences, as well as their challenges and risks.

“Iona has been a hub of resources and services for us,” says Caroline who also has benefited from Iona’s social workers and support groups, and has participated in its advocacy efforts. After her mother passed away at home in October 2014, Caroline enrolled her father in the Wellness & Arts Center, Iona’s adult day health program for older adults with chronic health issues.

When Caroline picks up her father, she finds him having a conversation with a staff member, engaged in a small group activity, or in art therapy. His artwork has been displayed in several Iona exhibits. In addition, experienced nurses and nursing assistants monitor his health. Is his blood pressure high? Is he losing weight? If he needs physical therapy, it’s available at Iona.

“Team meetings are remarkable,” she adds. “My father gets wonderful feedback from the staff. They all have thoughtful things to say.”

At the end of the day, he’s energized — in contrast to when he’s home all day and tired. “That’s because two of us can’t do what Iona does,” says Caroline.

“Our family’s relationship with Iona started small with me calling every once in a while and not really understanding all that the organization has to offer,” she adds. Having tapped into most of its services and expertise, she has nothing but gratitude. So does her father who, at a recent team meeting told the staff: “As you go through life you don’t often find people interested in you. You all seem to have a secret training ground for compassion.”