Suzanne’s Story

When Suzanne Gentes’ husband passed away in May of 2015, she had anticipated feeling the deep grief of losing a spouse. What she didn’t expect, however, was feeling an additional loss from saying goodbye to friends in Iona’s caregiver support group for spouses and partners of people with dementia.

Over several years, Suzanne had come to rely on the group as a safe space to vent, laugh, and cry with people in similar situations. “The group really helped a lot, and in a way, I had a circle of caregivers to take care of me,” says Suzanne.

After her husband died, it was difficult not to have that continued support. And, while she tried bereavement groups with other area organizations, there was always something missing, as Suzanne found that few addressed her important caregiver role. Knowing that Iona had been there during her caregiving journey, Suzanne turned to Iona again in her grief.

The timing was meant to be. Just a month prior, Iona psychotherapist and support group manager Bill Amt had surveyed former Iona caregiver support group members to learn more about their caregiving journeys and gather feedback on how Iona could better support them.

Additionally, Bill was also investigating bereavement group models. “As the support group manager, I’m always thinking, ‘What more do we need?’” says Bill. “When I looked at Iona’s menu of offerings, I saw that there was a gap.”

With Suzanne’s help, Iona was able to fill that gap.

Using feedback from Suzanne’s personal experience, along with best practices, Bill and Iona’s Director of Consultation, Care Management, and Counseling Deb Rubenstein designed Iona’s newest group: the After Caregiving Support Group. Its first meeting was in April.

Unlike other grief groups Suzanne tried, Iona’s After Caregiving Support Group focuses on not only grief, but also caregiver identity and transition, says Iona social worker Liza Chapkosvky, who co-facilitates the group with Elizabeth Buchanek, an experienced volunteer. “When you’re a longtime caregiver, your identity is so wrapped up in that experience,” says Liza. “When it’s done, you might have a wide range of emotions and you’re also trying to figure out, ‘what’s next for me.’”

The group, then, helps members process their grief, as well as think about next steps. It’s also a great space to share resources, literature, and success stories for self-care, adds Suzanne. And, of course, having a circle of caregivers is a welcome return for Suzanne. “It’s nice to have people again who care enough to listen and to share their grief with you,” she says. “It’s a wonderful reminder that despite the darkness, there is some light out there.”